the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
