drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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