im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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