There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
