Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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