our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
