I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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