You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
