Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
