in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
