I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
