you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
