where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
