Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
