I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
