I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
