i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
