i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize