Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
