This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
