My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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