We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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