Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
