I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I lost the right to judge tonight
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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