Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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