Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
