so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
