Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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