That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
