my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
