I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
