its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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