Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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