when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
