How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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