Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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