woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
