I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
