the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
