I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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