I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
