Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
