Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
