i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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