I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
