It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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