Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
