Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
