Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
