Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
