tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
