I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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