I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
