Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
