she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
