Kiss
Puke
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
