I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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