I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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