I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
50% drunk capacity currently
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
