is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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