Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
