I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
