i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
