I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
