Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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