My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
