is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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