I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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