Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
