I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
