remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
