Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
